Dead writers don’t read blogs.
It’s a joy to write about Balzac, who doesn’t care what I say about Louis Lambert, a novel that hasn’t been translated into English since the 19th century.
And he has the “Freedom” app, whereby he is barred from the internet for up to eight hours a day (in the Underworld).
And he is also dead.
But I do have to tell you something funny about the living.
See this picture?
Last year’s Man Booker Prize judges were planting trees in Leicestershire with the Woodland Trust.
It was confusing, because I couldn’t figure out WHY last year’s judges were planting trees. Why not THIS year’s judges?
The 2012 judges already read over 100 books twice or something.
So I did some research and discovered they are the fifth panel of judges to plant 12 trees, which somehow represent the 12 books longlisted for the 2012 prize.
It looked like a terrible day for it.
My husband told me the third guy has the best form. That’s Bharat Tandon, a lecturer at the University of East Anglia and the author of two books on Jane Austen.
But I was wondering: Where was Dan Stevens? Stevens, the actor who played Matthew on Downton Abbey, was one of the Man Booker judges last year.
At first I was hopeful that he was the one with the best form, but Tandon can obviously beat everyone at gardening.
I read that Stevens wasn’t there because he was “working in America.”
So here is my idea for Stevens’ Booker PR in the U.S.
A storm wounded and destroyed our maple, and we have to plant a new tree. I’m sure Stevens would love to plant a tree in (our) nation’s capital.
Oh, well, this isn’t the nation’s capital. BUT HE WOULDN’T ACTUALLY HAVE TO KNOW THAT.
We could eat bacon cupcakes and deep-fried Twinkies-on-a-Stick. Honest to God, you can get them here.
Then we could ride our bicycles to Madrid (pronounced Mad-rid, with the accent on “mad”).
And even if Dan Stevens were here, no one would believe he was Dan Stevens.
We don’t recognize famous people. We’re reserved Midwesterners.
Obama often comes to our city (we’re a caucus state). And Bruce Springsteen came here with Obama.
But we only recognize Obama and Springsteen.