Margaret Drabble’s The Pure Gold Baby & My In-Between Non-Motherhood Gen

Drabble The Pure Gold BAbyI am a member of the In-Between Leftist Non-Motherhood Gen.

For a few, very few, years in the ’70s it  was acceptable for women not to have children.  By the mid-1980s  women were barraged with cruel greeting cards with the slogan, “I forgot to have children.” By the time I even considered having children, I was peri-menopausal and said, No, thank you, to infertility pills.

I ordinarily run miles from a novel about motherhood, but Margaret Drabble’s new novel, The Pure Gold Baby, intelligently, if obliquely, portrays a group of mothers in North London from the ’60s to the present.

The novel revolves around Jess Speight, an unmarried anthropologist whose child, Anna, has developmental problems. After Anna’s birth, Jess switches her focus in anthropology from Africa to England and embarks on a career of freelance journalism so she can care for Anna at home.

The novel is narrated by Nellie, a friend of Jess’s who is not an altogether reliable narrator, as we learn when she admits that parts of the narrative are constructed from her own imagination.

Who is the heroine?  Is the novel about Jess or Nellie?

Nellie is fascinated by Jess’s refusal to tell her married lover, an anthropology professor, about Anna, if indeed he is her lover, because Nellie is not sure whether he exists or whether Jess made him up.  Anna is an easy baby, always happy.  But when her developmental difficulties become evident and Jess must take counsel from a doctor, we are reminded of Drabble’s early novel, The Millstone, in which the unmarried narrator, a scholar, has a baby who needs surgery, and she must navigate the health system, eventually playing the upper-class card so her baby will get good care.

Drabble beautifully captures Jess’s sadness on her trip to the doctor’s office, but Nellie deviously confuses us about the point-of-view of the narration, beginning in the first-person plural and then switching to first person singular:

When we look back, we simplify, we forget the sloughs and doubts and backward motions, and see only the shining curve of the story we told ourselves in order to keep ourselves alive and hopeful, that bright curve that led us on to the future.  The radiant way.  But Jess, that cold morning, was near despair.  She did not tell us about this then, but of course it must have been so.  I picture her now, walking along the patched and pockmarked London pavement, with its manhole covers and broken paving stones, its runic symbols of water and electricity and gas, its thunderbolts and fag ends and sweet wrappings and patters of chewed and hardened gum, and I know that she faltered.

We see so much here:  the shining curve, the bright curve, the radiant way, contrasted with Jess’ despair, the pockmarked pavement, the broken stones, the trash.

And Drabble chooses to follow the radiant way, alluding to her 1987 novel,  The Radiant Way, which was the first in Drabble’s brilliant trilogy, including A Natural Curiosity and The Gates of Ivory.  There is darkness but much hope.

Jess has a normal life, despite her responsibility for Anna.  She marries Bob, an anthropologist-photographer, and later has relationships with three men who, not uncoincidentally, have mental health problems: first Steve, a poet, then Zain, a gorgeous man coveted by many, and finally she has a serious friendship with Raoul, who recovers and becomes a famous neurologist. All three of these men live briefly in an exclusive progressive mental health community.   Drabble charts the changes in the mental health system over the decades, ranging from Laing to homelessness.  Steve was unable to thrive after the demise of the community.

Shimmering throughout the novel are Jess’s memories of a group of children in Africa, who had a rare condition, lobster-claw syndrome, their fingers or toes fused.  These children were indifferent to their deformity, and Jess loved watching them.  Her feeling toward Anna is similar; she loves her child’s good nature: her inability to read or write does not matter to her, as it might to some intellectual parents.  At the end of the novel, Jess, now old,  and Anna, middle-aged, go to Africa, and the novel comes back full-circle.

Rodin's The Helmet-Maker's Once Beautiful Wife

Rodin’s The Helmet-Maker’s Once Beautiful Wife

Drabble is particularly good on portraying aging as the decades fly by.  Nellie, the narrator, is fascinated by art depicting aging women.  She describes Rodin’s “The Helmet Maker’s Once Beautiful Wife,” which has fascinated her since a school trip to Paris.

I was unprepared for the shock of the woman’s naked body.  The old woman of Rodin lacks all dignity.  Her image wounds, insults, reduces.  I stood, transfixed, appalled and undefended….

She is old, and scraggy, and ugly.  She is a memento mori.  She is worse than a memento mori, for in comparison with this condition, death were welcome.   She is, I suppose, witch-like, but she lacks the malevolence and the energy of the three weird sisters from Macbeth…  She is passive.  She is a passive recipient of the battery, the assault of time, and of the contempt of men.  Her breasts are dry and dangle, her ribs stand out, her skin hands in folds from her withering frame her back is bowed in submission.

This stunning novel is both dense and disturbing, and those of you who, like me, particularly like Drabble’s complicated novels of the ’70s and ’80s, will admire this dark exploration of family, heredity, and women’s lives in the late 20th century and the third millennium.

This book bears rereading, and I will reread it soon.

Women of Margaret Drabble’s generation had children.  Most women of mine did, too, but there was that small window of opportunity for women of my age to be childless without guilt.

Drabble thinks these disabled children contribute to the culture, and we will be worse off when we have no Downs Syndrome children.

Although I personally could not have cared for a child like Anna, because my energy is limited and my freelancing certainly didn’t pay as well as Jess’s, I find Drabble’s ideas interesting.  On the other hand, I am very much in favor of abortion rights.

Your choice.

The Planned Parenthood Book Sale & the Jane Gaskell Giveaway

The Planned Parenthood Book Sale

The Planned Parenthood Book Sale

The first Planned Parenthood Book Sale in Des Moines was held in 1961.  My grandmother patronized it in the late ’60s and early ’70s.

Now my cousin and I patronize it.

In its 52nd year, it takes place this weekend, Oct. 10-14, at the Iowa State Fairground, 4-H Building, in Des Moines.  You can spend hours browsing the 600,000 books, CDs, DVDs, records, VHS tapes, games, puzzles, posters and collectibles.

This kind of history makes me wish I were a Des Moines native.

We went to the sale on Opening Night.  My “role model cousin” (whom I haven’t written about before) was volunteering. I should volunteer, but I don’t.  I can’t add, so I can’t be a cashier, and I’m not particularly good at carrying boxes. No, I know myself. I am the chatty kind of volunteer who stands around and tries to persuade customers to read Jane Gaskell’s comical Atlan fantasy quintet instead of, or as well as, The Complete Works of George Orwell.  Far better for me to push a cart slowly through the aisles, load it up with books, and spend $50-$100.

Last night I found many of John O’Hara’s books.  My husband came over to tell me John O’Hara is terrible. He didn’t think I should waste my time on John O’Hara.  I loved Butterfield 8, and have been looking for O’Hara’s books for years.  I said I intend to read nothing but John O’Hara for the next year. At least I wasn’t buying Georgette Heyer’s romances.  Not that I don’t enjoy these.

I struck out on Viragos.  Somebody must have beat me to them.

I  couldn’t find any new Cathy cartoon books either.  We apparently have all the Cathy books. Here my husband poses (insisting that I cut his head off) holding my favorite Cathy book:

IMG_2727

Please!  Why don’t they (come with instruction booklets)?

Here is a picture of some of my books (and, honestly, this selection is not as good as last spring’s, though I’m still pleased):

IMG_2732Margery Sharp’s In Pious Memory  (she wrote super-light novels, some of which are available in Viragos)

Margery Sharp’s Martha in Paris  (about a fat girl artist:  I’m adoring it)

John O’Hara’s A Rage to Live

Three of Jane Gaskell’s Atlan quintet (which, by the way, I’m giving away:  see bottom of post).

Richard Amour’s The Classics Reclassified (a humor book we think is very funny at our house)

Have It Your Way, Charlie Brown (to read over breakfast, when I am too bleary-eyed to face the paper)

Vita Sackville-West’s Seducers in Ecuador and The Heir (my sole Virago)

Charles Williams’s The Place of the Lion  (he’s a C. S. Lewis type)

Kind of an odd night:  in the classics section I found mainstream Steinbeck, Fitzgerald, and many, many copies of Anna Karenina instead of the odd Ruth Suckow, Gogol, Bess Streeter Aldrich, Trollope, or George Meredith I go to collect.

I didn’t make it to the non-fiction section(s),

At one point I laughed at a Great Books set: I was kicked out of Junior Great Books for not reading Treasure Island, and my husband also shudders at his memories of this earnest book group.

IMG_2734And now for the JANE GASKELL PROVE-YOU’RE-A-GIRL GIVEAWAY.   This comical, charming, sometimes erotic, feminist fantasy series was recommended by Ms. magazine in the ’70s, and if you want to win this series, you must prove to me that you’re female (and of course I already know many of you are, so you don’t have to prove it).  The heroine,  Cija,a princess in a tower, has been told men don’t exist. When her mother suddenly recants and tells her she must flirt with and then assassinate, General Zerd, a blue scaly man whom you will find sexy, she is in a dilemma.  How does one flirt anyway?  She has lots of funny, exciting adventures:   I found three of the five books and knew some of you would like these:  The Serpent (Vol. 1), The Dragon, (Vol. 2) and The City (Vol. 3).   If you would like one or all of the books, leave a comment.  I adore these, and they’re hard to find.

ADDENDUM.  If you decide to come to the sale this weekend, here are a few other things to do in Des Moines:  Gusto Pizza, The Dairy Zone (a good soft-serve ice cream stand), the Neal Smith Trail (bicycle and hiking), the Clive Trail, the houses on Kingman Blvd. (not too fancy, but still exactly where you’d want to grow up), Friedrich’s Coffee, the Highland Park Bakery (champagne cake, doughnuts), Smokey Row (David Byrne wrote about it when he was here), and Grey’s Lake (I don’t see the attraction of this man-made lake, but it is a Des Moines institution).

Shiny Happy People Holding Hands (on Twitter)

R.E.M. "Shiny Happy People"

R.E.M. “Shiny Happy People”

Meet me in the crowd, people, people
Throw your love around, love me, love me–R.E.M., “Shiny Happy People”

When I check Twitter, an activity I limit to once a day, because otherwise it becomes one giant game of Mother, May I?, in which I jump from link to link to link, I am reminded of  R.E.M.’s  joyous but gently mocking song, “Shiny Happy People.”

In the effervescent “Shiny Happy People” video, Michael Stipe and Kate Pierson (of the B-52s) aerobically wave their arms and over-smile: they’re having fun but there is a hint of irony in their gesturing.  By the time everybody joins the dance at the end, it’s clear that hyperbolic happiness has temporarily won out over facetiousness.  They jump, wave and twirl and, though they know it won’t last, over and over they sing,

Shiny happy people holding hands
Shiny happy people holding hands
Shiny happy people laughing

We want to be those shiny happy people!   On Twitter,  some very shiny happy people (some really do need and get that oxygen) tweet, i.e., wave for attention, in the shiny happy Twitterverse.

I’m not a Twitter person.  I have sent out 11 tweets altogether, none of the shiny happy people variety.  I do so much of the love me, love me here at Mirabile Dictu that no other electronic colloquy is necessary.  I write long, as I told a charming blogger/tweeter friend who writes short.  I like to snap my laptop shut and go outside.  Naturally there are some witty twitterers, but Twitter has not rocked my world.

Although we rather thought everyone was aware that the NSA and other spies scrutinize social media for information (they are particularly interested, I’ve heard, in what Mirabile Dictu is reading now), Dave Eggers’ new novel, The Circle, a satire of social media, has triggered a stream of solemn online confabulation about the dangers of Twitter.  Apparently our brain capacity is so small from Twitter  that we have forgotten that Gary Shtyengart also satirized the dangers of social media in 2010 in his dystopian comedy, Super Sad True Love Story.  In other words, this isn’t new.

Twitter seems relatively harmless, as these things go, because there’s only so much you can say in 140 characters. Being a book nerd, I use Twitter to “stalk/follow”  book review publications, which is not exciting, I assure you.  The TLS conservatively raps out two perfect haiku tweets a day (perhaps they have a Department of the Tweet), while  Ron Charles, editor of the Washington Post Book World, tweets nonstop, doing what it takes to sell his book page (and I hope it’s working).  After I’ve decided The Telegraph tweets too much for me even to click on one link, I get offline.

Although I can’t imagine how they do this, apparently some souls carry on their entire social lives in 140-character tweets.  In Michele Filgate’s poorly written, if heartrending and terrifying, article at Salon, “Dave Eggers Made Me Quit Twitter,” she implies that her day was one long tweet before Dave Eggers’ The Circle inspired her to take a break from social media. And though she stayed away for some absurdly short amount of time like a week, she had made some rules for herself.

No tweeting while walking. No checking the phone on the subway. No TweetDeck. It’s far better to check Twitter on the actual website instead of having it open and taunting me all day long. The biggest thing I’ve realized is that I can’t have social media open while I’m writing. I don’t want to become like Mae, sacrificing real-life friendships for the allure of the screen. I want to be aware of the world around me. I want to write about that world. I want to feel more alive, even if that means being lonelier in the process. It’s a book that connected me with myself again — just as books have always done, and always will do.

Filgate’s vocabulary is disyllabic, her prose social-media-esque,  and her reasoning simple, but this is a tragic statement about how (youngish?) Americans are living their lives today.

Twitter has also made the news because of bomb threats against British women journalists and celebrities.  Mary Beard, the classicist, author, and blogger, is quite breezy about the abuse she has taken. In “Why Tweet?” at her TLS blog,  A Don’s Life, she explains why she won’t be driven off Twitter.

There is nothing inherently the matter with the medium itself; it’s us the users, and the uses to which it is put (and, to some extent, the moderation and reporting mechanisms provided by the company concerned). A few years ago we were hailing Twitter as the catalyst of the “Arab Spring” (the ‘Twitter revolution” we called it, remember?). Now we are slamming it as one of the forces of sexism and misogyny. It is and was, of course, neither.

I, meanwhile, am busy listening to “Shiny Happy People,” and realizing the blog is a better medium for wordy me.

An Interview with Steve Yarbrough

Steve Yarbrough

Steve Yarbrough

I found Steve Yarbrough’s novel, The Realm of Last Chances, by serendipity.

His was the only book in the Y’s and I loved the title and the first paragraph:

They were both fifty when they moved to Massachusetts, settling in a small town a few miles north of Boston.  Like a lot of people around the country over the last few years, they’d recently experienced a run of bad luck.

Being in my fifties and seldom finding novels with middle-aged protagonists, I bought this book and rushed home and read it in one sitting.  It is powerful and moving, my favorite novel of the year.

And Steve Yarbrough, an award-winning novelist and a Professor of the Department of Writing, Literature and Publishing at Emerson College, generously agreed to be interviewed here.

Mirabile Dictu:  Your stunning new novel, The Realm of Last Chances, addresses the issue of dislocation in middle age.  Did you set out to explore this theme?   Or did it just come together?

Steve Yarbrough:  I consciously wanted to explore dislocation.  My wife and I had moved from one coast to the other twice: from east to west in 1988 and from west to east in 2009.  Both times, we wanted to make the move, and this last move in particular has led to great happiness, because we love New England.  But during the economic downturn a lot of people were uprooted against their will, and I wanted to see what it might be like for a couple like that.  The other themes, though, came to me during the writing process.  It’s always that way for me.  I find my path by groping in the darkness.

Mirabile Dictu:  How long did it take you to write the book?

Steve Yarbrough:  Well, from start to finish, about eighteen months.  But before I figured out what I wanted to write, I floundered for about a year.  That happens to me again and again.

Mirabile Dictu:   Which of your books is your favorite (besides Realm)?

Steve Yarbrough:  I guess I’d have to say my other favorite is probably Safe from the Neighbors–though, truly, I am fond of all my books, to varying degrees. They represented the best I had in me when I wrote them.

Mirabile Dictu:  Do you write on paper or a computer?

Steve Yarbrough:  I wrote my first book on paper and then typed it.  All the others have been written on the computer.

Mirabile: Who are your favorite authors?

Steve Yarbrough:  The list is long.  Here are a few names: James Salter, William Trevor, Alice Munro, Richard Yates, Elizabeth Spencer, Milan Kundera, Sandor Marai, Tolstoy, Faulkner, Chekhov, Austen, Graham Greene.

Mirabile Dictu:  Thank you for the fabulous interview!

And here are a few facts about Steve Yarbrough.

He is the son of Mississippi Delta farmers.

He is a Professor of Department of Writing, Literature and Publishing at Emerson College.

His novel Prisoners of War was a finalist for the 2005 PEN/Faulkner Award,  his 1999 novel The Oxygen Man  won the California Book Award, the Mississippi Institute of Arts and Letters Award for Fiction, and the Mississippi Authors Award.  In 2010, he won the Richard Wright Award for Literary Excellence.

His website is http://steveyarbrough.net/

And you can read my review of The Realm of Last Chances here.

The Bicycling Thing & The Emma Thing

On the trail in July.

On the trail in July.

I felt bleary-eyed after a rainy Sunday.

I would ride my bike today, I resolved.

I jumped into jeans and a gray cardigan. I have a lot of black and gray cardigans.  Everything matches black and gray.  But if you don’t wear a lot of makeup, it washes you out and makes you look like a nun.  Today I applied eyeliner UNDER the tear line, because the smudgey look cancels out the nun look.

Before I left the house I ate brown rice with raisins.  I was afraid otherwise I would stop for a Big Bopper.

Relax, you say.  Have a Big Bopper.

A Big Bopper is a Martini with…  Heavens, no, it is a 490-calorie ice cream sandwich.

To be honest, I haven’t had a Big Bopper this year.  I’m off the milk, off the ice cream.  But even bicyclists can’t risk eating Big Boppers.  You can bike 40 miles after a Big Bopper and still gain five pounds.

I would not eat a Big Bopper, I vowed.  I would go to a coffeehouse.  I would:

  • Drink coffee and eat a raspberry-white-chocolate scone (270 calories).
  • Write in my diary. (I never write in my diary, but I carry it around in case I’m inspired.)
  • Finish Nick Harkaway’s witty SF thriller, Angelmaker, which has accompanied me on bike rides for the last two months.

Attainable goals, right? I eat my scone and drink coffee, but as usual have nothing to write in my diary.  I open Angelmaker on my e-reader.  It turns out I am only on page 200 so I can’t finish Angelmaker.  I really should sit down and read ir, but I only allow myself to read it late at night.

Then it turns out that my e-reader is hooked up to WiFi so I check my email.

PART TWO.

And it is a good thing I do, because I am inundated by email from match.com

I encouraged my cousin, who was driving me mad, and to whom I had already introduced all the men I know,  to sign up at match.com.  She wouldn’t sign up unless  I signed up.  That didn’t make sense since I am married, but what the hell?

I paid them no money, so I am not a member.

And my profile consists of one sentence:  “Emma is my favorite book.”

emma jane austenOne bloody sentence, no picture, and  I am deluged with emails saying I “voted” for some guys in my “daily matches”  (how did I do that?) and “they’re so interested, they took the time to email you.”  I doubt they exist, because no one has ever been crazy about my saying that Emma is my favorite book.  (Ask my husband.  He has never read Emma.)

For one thing, Emma is the unlikable Austen heroine.  Right?  I like her, but lots of Austen fans do not.

Austen wrote, “I am going to take a heroine whom no one but myself will much like.”

As I said here on May 29:

Emma is smart.  Emma says what she thinks.  She doesn’t want to marry, and she prefers the lively Harriet to the rigid Jane Fairfax.  Emma would destroy society in a moment, if Knightley weren’t there to criticize.

It is a slow day at match.com if indeed someone is fascinated  that I like Emma.

I must delete my profile.  Now what’s my password?  I hope I wrote it down…

Jen Lancaster & Imaginary Friends

Bright Lights, Big Ass Jen Lancester“Did you get my email?”

“Hm?”  I was reading Jen Lancaster’s Bright Lights, Big Ass, which was so funny I hadn’t checked my email in two hours.

“I said I’d read Proust with you.”

Huh? How could I think about Proust when I was reading Lancaster?

“Did you comment at my blog?”  I teased. (I recently invited people to read Proust with me.)

“I’m too shy to comment.”

No, why go online?  I’ll read his email later.  Lancaster is just too funny.

Bright Lights, Big Ass begins with a letter to Carrie Bradshaw (“from the desk of Miss Jennifer A. Lancaster).

Dear Carrie Bradshaw,

You are a fucking liar.

And for that matter, so are Jay McInerney, Bret Easton Ellis, and everyone else who’s ever claimed city life to be nothing but a magical, mythical, all-around transcendent experience chock-full of beautiful, morally ambiguous people lounging around at fabulous parties, clad in stilettos, and offering up free piles of blow….

No one’s ever offered me anything more provocative than a cough drop or a hug in my ten years here in Chicago.

Nor where I live, Jen.  There are no fabulous parties here, except political fundraisers and barbecues where people in jeans and hoodies mill around the back yard drinking beer and listening to Johnny Cash.  And though I’m sure there are coke-induced all-nighters at clubs, the houses on my street are dark at 10 p.m.

in Lancaster’s hilarious collection of essays, e-mails, lists, and logs, she describes working as a temp, riding the bus, her husband’s meat loaf, a visit to the OB/GYN, and the bureaucracy of the public library.

I laughed over her horror of women’s wellness exams. The nurse, who doesn’t take well to Jen’s jokes about weight gain, provides her with a paper, not a cloth, gown, and  Jen thinks this is because she is fat.

Nurse Ratched advises me to strip completely, and as I undress I wonder if “completely” includes my socks.  Erring on the side of caution, I toss them aside first, pleased with having the foresight to give myself a fresh pedicure.  Earlier this morning, I also brushed my teeth a second time and flossed.  Fletch noted my excellent dental hygiene and asked,”Is that the end they’re going to examine?”

In another essay, when Jen gets bored writing at home and tries to distract her husband, he suggests that she go talk to her “imaginary online friends.”

They aren’t make-believe.  Besides, I’ve already done that.”

Carrie Bradshaw

Carrie Bradshaw

I certainly have my share of “imaginary” friends, and Jen is one of them.  Jen is a Roseanne-cum-Carrie-Bradshaw Everywoman who has gained 50 pounds since her sorority days, is funny and “mouthy” (a word my mother used to use), and doesn’t care for “hippie vegans.” (Okay, I’m almost in the hippie vegan category ). Her politics are horribly conservative (she rarely mentions them, thank God).  I very much enjoy her humor, though.

Carrie Bradshaw is another imaginary friend, a kind, gentle, liberal soul with whom I have little in common:  I am not much of a shopper, and so much of Sex and the City is about shopping.  I have never worn high heels–they cripple the feet–and Carrie’s tutu doesn’t come in my size.  I also prefer her jazz musician boyfriend to Mr. Big.

But in Sex and the City, I recognize the importance of the support network of Carrie, Miranda, Samantha, and Charlotte.  In real life, women do get together and talk unselfconsciously about taboo subjects, and though Samantha may be the only character in a sitcom to return a vibrator and loudly advise other women in the store on the effectiveness of the different “massagers,” there is an underlying wholesomeness and empowerment of unmarried women in these episodes.

We are not Jen Lancaster or Carrie Bradshaw, but we write about our lives, real or imaginary, with details slightly changed “to protect the innocent and keep the neighbors from egging my house,” as Jen Lancaster says.

Here’s to imaginary friends and online life!

Rushing to the Library with Vita Sackville-West’s The Easter Party

The university library.

The university library has a remarkable collection.

It happens every three months.

Our books were due at the university library.

I was reading a library book, Vita Sackville-West’s The Easter Party, in my sanctum, the pillows propped up, a tea mug on the table, the computer handy for taking notes.  I would not see anybody for hours, because the football game was on in the other room.  It could have been baseball.  Who knew?

An evening of reading.

I peered over my glasses disapprovingly when a family member interrupted.

“Our books are due tomorrow.”

Vita Sackville-West The Easter PartyOh, dear.  I had to finish The Easter Party.  I had to finish it fast.  We are “extra-mural” borrowers–not affiliated with the university–and the fines are expensive. We drive 40 miles every three months (we can renew books for three months) because the library has a remarkable collection.  I don’t know what I would do without it.

Although Vita Sackville-West is probably best known for her love affair with Virginia Woolf, she also wrote two very good novels, All Passion Spent (1931) and The Edwardians (1930).   (I read them many years ago, so won’t write about them here.)  The Garden Party (1953) is uncharacteristically elliptical, reminding me very slightly of the novels of Ivy Compton-Burnett.  The plot:  an Easter party over a long weekend may save or destroy an unconventional marriage.

The novel begins in the consciousness of Rose, a beautiful 45-year-old woman with a secret.  Her cold husband, Sir Walter, lives for his work as a high-powered lawyer, and when he says he has a meeting that night, Rose says she will dine with someone else. Whether either one of them will be home before bedtime is questionable.

Before Walter goes to work, she sends out tendrils to see if he will tolerate a party over Easter weekend at Anstey, their country home.

She has already invited her unglamorous sister, Lucy, Lucy’s husband,  Dick, and their 22-year-old son, Robin.  Lady Juliet Quarles, a charming, likable, witty woman known for her affairs with men of all ages, will be there.  Walter is polite, but doesn’t really like company.

Later that morning, Gilbert, her brother-in-law, a neurologist,  calls and invites himself.

Lady Juliet is hilarious:  she likes everybody, calls everybody darling, and is very genial, even though she is known as a shallow socialite.  Gilbert pretends on the phone to be intimidated by the thought of meeting her, and when Rose assures her that Juliet is very nice, Gilbert says:

“Are you trying to tell me that Lady Quarles is cosy?  I f so , I don’t believe it.  Nothing that I have ever heard of her indicates anything of the sort.  it is true that my cognisance of her is limited to the piles of illustrated papers, all out of date, which I contemplate only when I visit, in a state of the greatest apprehension, my dentist or my doctor.

Sometimes Sackville-West is witty, other times her narrative is remarkably sad.  Rose’s secret is tragic:  she is a virgin, because Walter married her for appearances, and told her before their marriage he didn’t want to reproduce.  (Why they don’t use condoms or a diaphragm is beyond me.  Is Walter gay?  One wonders.)

Her physical desire for Walter she had after years of struggle been able to overcome:  it was stifled, dead.  And, anyway, she had often said to herself, pacing up and down her room at nigh, twisting her hands, throwing her head back, heaving her shoulders, breathing quickly and heavily in an anguish she scarcely understood, since she was sensually unawakened, anyway, she had said to herself, trying to regain control, what does the physical matter?  (Walter slept just along the passage; she had only to open her door, slip down the passage and find herself in his darkened room.  “Walter?”  she would say.  “Walter, my darling?”  And in another moment she would be in his bed, and all the barriers would come down.)  The physical thing did not matter.  The poets said so.

Gilbert, who dislikes the way his brother treats Rose, forms a sinister plan to save their marriage.  The plan involves Walter’s dog.  I was VERY anxious.

Sackville-West changes point-of-view often, writing from inside the heads (in the third-person) of all the characters in the Easter party.  The focus is on Rose and Walter.

I very much enjoyed this book. Not great, but very good.

And here’s a picture of the books I checked out at the library today.

IMG_2716Trousers of Taffeta by Margaret Wilson (who won the Pulitzer in 1924 for The Able McLaughlins)

Conrad Richter’s A Simple Honorable Man

Steve Yarbrough’s Family Men (a collection of stories by the author of The Realm of Last Chances, my favorite novel of the year)

The East Wind of Love by Compton Mackenzie, author of Sinister Street

Valerie Laken’s Dream House (I know nothing about her:  it’s a gamble)

An Accidental Romance: In Which My Cousin and I Find “Athletic, Toned” Boyfriends

If a thing is right it can be done, and if it is not it can be done without; and a good man will find a way.”–Anne Sewall, Black Beauty

"The Kiss" by Gustave Klimt (one of my favorite paintings)

“The Kiss” by Gustave Klimt (one of my favorite paintings)

My cousin and I were drinking tea in the back yard.  I was reading aloud an article called “Boyfriend Boot Camp.” It was freezing, but the outdoors was the only place for girl talk.  There was a noisy football game on inside.

I went to boyfriend.com because my cousin was sobbing.  She pretended to sob over her favorite book, Black Beauty.   She used to have a horse named Black Beauty.  We all had that horse.  Our grandfather had a farm.  Every horse he owned was called Black Beauty.

But then she sobs that she will never have a boyfriend again.

I don’t think so.

“Now listen to this,” I say.

Boyfriends…Can’t live with them can’t live without them!  Is your boyfriend driving you crazy? Are you being the best girlfriend possible and not getting anything in return? Whip your man into shape! Put him in the Boyfriend Boot Camp and watch all your worries disappear!

Duh…my husband/boyfriend drives me crazy.

“I’ve had a lot of boyfriends.  Not one would go to Boyfriend Boot Camp,”  my cousin says.

“You need the right boyfriend,” I say, not knowing how boyfriend.com can help with this.  “I mean the one who doesn’t need Boot Camp.”

“Lower your expectations,” people said to me when I was divorced.  You know why they said  that?  Because all the men were married.

And then she realiezd they were all alike taintorThe perfect man, in their eyes, was a sweet, dull, single guy they set me up with who watched reruns of MASH, never read a book, and brought me a new toaster or a coffee maker every time he came over (which was not very often, because I ended it).

Very nice, but I became glassy-eyed.  I would rather have had a book or an Eric Clapton album.   We were incompatible.  I wonder if he ever got married.  I did.

“All I need is somebody brilliant, handsome, and rich,” my cousin adds.

“Who are you–Emma  Woodhouse?”

Then I explain who Emma is.  Then I tell her to lower her expectations.

So I read on, and  discover that expectations can be too low.

Does your boyfriend sell drugs? Another big problem! This one is more easily fixed however. This is something that is often used to supplement income. And it’s easy money, so your man isn’t exactly going to be willing to give it up so quickly.  But carefully explaining how this negatively affects you and your relationship will help. Don’t immediately rush to ultimatums, because that may not end very well.  By making it about you (for example, I feel like…) instead of placing blame on him, he will be much more responsive to change.

“Now that’s ridiculous,” I say.

“It is pathetic,” she admits.

Then the site refers us to Match.com.

I have no faith in dating services, but my cousin needs help.  She is at the wrong age–late 30s–for dating. Two years from now it will be better.

“I won’t sign up unless you do,” she says.

“Oh, come on!”

I finally agree to sign up, but I will not pay.  That means I won’t get the dating information.  I don’t need it.

My cousin busily answers the questions, laughing all the while, and so do I, skipping a huge proportion of them because it is never-ending.  She is looking for a man 20-40.  (“20?  Oh, come on!”)  I decide 50-70.   (“70?  Why not 100?”)  Finally I am presented with a bunch of pictures and told that I have an 88% match with one of them.

“How can I have an 88% match when I answered only ten questions?”

The men, all divorced (did I select “divorced” on the questionnaire?), claim, without exception,  that they are “athletic and toned.”  Some are much too old for me, and some of the pictures I suspect are old.   Some are photographed in their bachelor pads, others in bars.

I quickly realize that the age range is much too wide.  The fifties would be best for me, well, maybe the low sixties, but in the fifties men are dating women in their 30s.  So does that mean…oh, I can’t do the math, really!

My cousin posts a picture of herself with a zinnia in her hair.

She is thrilled with her matches.  Yes, they are all “athletic and toned.” She picks out several she thinks are “cute.”

“But they all say they’re looking for a friend, conversation, long walks…” I point out.  “Don’t you want somebody different?”

She laughs.  “This one is cute, this one isn’t, this one is, this one might do.”

I snap my laptop shut. We’ll see how it goes.

She seems like herself again.

Proust, Not Competitively but Companionably

Proust In Search of Lost TimeFor the next year I plan to read Proust’s In Search of Lost Time. (Phyllis Rose’s The Year of Reading Proust isn’t enough.)  I’ve read the first two volumes of In Search twice, and then I start over again, since narrative isn’t a big part of it.

I’d like to read it with a group.  Starting with Swann’s Way again, of course.

I decided to check for a group at Goodreads.

First, I couldn’t sign in. I thought I was signed in for life.

“Sorry, we didn’t recognize that email/password combination,” it told me.

Well, even I didn’t quite recognize that password.

“Do you want to sign in with Facebook or Twitter?” it asks.

No, I do not.

I have a Twitter account (@MsMirabileDictu), but I don’t tweet.  It is, however, great for “cyber-stalking”:  NYRB, Gary Shteyngart, Mollie Katzen, my blogger friends, TLS, Ron Charles at the Washington Post, Maud Newton, and who is Andrew Holleran? I follow him, too.

By the way, leave me your Twitter address, and I’ll follow you.  Perhaps I’ll tweet someday.  I have sent four tweets, three by accident.

Anyway I finally signed in at Goodreads with a compromise password. The Proust groups are  moribund.

Same thing at LibraryThing. They have no Proust groups.

Drabble The Pure Gold BAbyHere is why I want to read Proust with a group.  I am in the middle of Margaret Drabble’s new novel, The Pure Gold Baby. and am inspired by her heroine, Jess, who is reading Proust with a friend.

Jess was reading Proust with an incentive.  She was reading him not competitively but companionably, in concert with an old schoolfriend from Broghborough with whom she had kept in touch.  They met rarely, for her friend Vivien lived in Edinburgh, where she was the assistant curator of a gallery, but they had preserved their intimacy through Viven’s occasional London visits and through sending one another postcards and letters….. (The reading group had not yet become a nationwide phenomenon.)  Jess and Vivien had already read their way through Ulysses, encouraging one another onwards by exchanging comments and moments of bewilderment and enlightenment, and now they were doing Proust.  Would they reach the end?  They were not sure.  it wouldn’t matter if they didn’t; nobody was watching them, nobody was marking them, there were no exams to sit, no teachers to impress.

Doesn’t this make you want to read Proust?

I need a Proust pen pal.

Seriously, I love Drabble’s heroines.  In her novel, The Seven Sisters, Candida, the narrator, studies Virgil with an adult ed teacher.  I  thought, I’m a Latinist: why not teach an adult ed class?  And so I taught an adult ed Latin class for two years.  Then we ran out of people.

I teaching Latin, in schoolmarm garb.

Teaching Latin, in schoolmarm garb.

Here is a rather sweet, if blurry, picture of me teaching Latin in the ’90s, in schoolmarm clothes (important for discipline) and big glasses.  Sorry, I don’t have any pictures of my adult ed days.

So who’s going to read Proust with me?  Come on!  One person.

No one wants to?????!!!!!?????Maybe someone who reads French?

Oh, well.