Do you read and reread Diana Gabaldon’s Outlander series because you’re in love with  Jamie?  Do you try to persuade booksellers to sell the latest Gabaldon before the publication date, as a friend of mine did?

Forget it.  You are never going to meet Jamie, because you would have to time-travel in Scotland.  And you are never going to persuade the booksellers to sell the book early.

I have read only one and a half of the Outlander books, but found them considerably more erotic (and healthier) than 50 Shades of Grey.

If you’re still in love with Jamie, you can fall in love with a romantic hero in a classic. Jane Austen and Charlotte Bronte created some of the most attractive romantic heroes in 19th-century fiction.

It is not that they wrote romantic fiction:  far from it. We all know Austen’s comedies about marriage and class, and Bronte’s Gothic novels.

In Austen’s Emma,  Knightley, a handsome, rich, bossy man, bullies Emma about her match-making and impetuous friendships, but on the other hand is kind, sensible, and sociable.  When Emma’s friend Harriet considers marrying Knightley, Emma is appalled. If you try to marry “up,” you’re done for.

In Jane Eyre, Charlotte Bronte  created Mr. Rochester, one of the sexiest men in literary history.  He falls in love with Jane, a  passionate governess, but  secretly has a mad wife in the attic.  Oho!  The old routine, “I have a wife in the mental hospital:  don’t you feel sorry for me?”  Only Mr. Rochester doesn’t tell Jane about Bertha.  He waits till someone objects to their marriage at the altar.

In Villette, Lucy Snowe falls in love with John Graham Bretton, a witty, attractive, above average, though, alas, red-haired doctor who, alas, loves the pretty more than the brainy, but at least he is normal:  unlikely to spring a mad wife on you!  There are no mad wives, but there are nun-ghosts.

In a way, it’s a pity that the normal John Graham Bretton seems more fitting at my age, because Villette hasn’t even inspired a movie. Yet  Graham (or Dr. John, as he is sometimes called)  is reliable, smart, and likable.

But which hero is most suitable for you?  I have devised a four-question quiz to show you with whom you are most compatible.

And now for the Quiz:

1.  Which  remark would make you breathless?

A)  “I never met your likeness… you please me, and you master me–you seem to submit, and I like the sense of pliancy you impart.”

B)   “Invite him to dinner…and help him to the best of the chicken and fish, but leave him to chuse his own wife.”

C)  “Here are some flowers.”

2.  Do you prefer men who see through society women’s charms, or men who cannot?  (It probably depends on the kind of woman you are.)

A) “You should have seen her whenever I have laid on her lap some trifle; so cool, so unmoved, no eagerness to take, not even pleasure in contemplating.  Just from amiable reluctance to grieve me, she would permit the bouquet…”

B)  “My dear ___, do you think you perfectly understand the degree of acquaintance between the gentleman and lady we have been speaking of?”

C) “She’s a rare one, is she not?…A strapper, a real strapper:  big, brown, and buxom; with hair such as the ladies of Carthage must have had.”

3.  You find it romantic when:

A) You receive a long, chatty letter.

B) A man has been unable to find his ideal of women among English ladies, French countesses–but now there’s you.

C)  A hyper-critical man says you will always be his dearest.

4.  You want:

A)  to be needed.

B) to win the love of a worthy man.

C) to marry the most handsome, smartest, kindest, and most influential man in the neighborhood.

5.  You think of yourself as:

A) beautiful, brilliant, and well-loved.

B) plain and brilliant, with good friends.

C)  plain, brilliant, and friendless.

All right!  are you ready for the results?  You are simply going to have to figure out which character gets the highest percentage of your answers–or write in Jamie!

Answers:

1.  A, Mr. Rochester.  B, Knightley.  C, Graham

2.  A, Graham.  B, Knightley.  C, Mr. Rochester.

3.  A, Graham.  B, Mr. Rochester.  C, Knightley

4.  A, Jane Eyre-Rochester.  B, Lucy-Graham.  C, Emma-Knightley.

5.  A, Emma, B, Lucy, C, Jane

Okay,  two for Emma and Knightley, one for Jane and Rochester, and two for Lucy and Graham, so it looks like either Knightley or Graham Bretton will do for me!

I am Emma-Lucy!