I was gazing at The New York Times Book Review, not actually reading it, since I have perused my 10 free articles for the month.  The photo of Josh Weil, author of the new novel, The Great Glass Sea, caught my eye.

He certainly is a good-looking young man.

After I looked more closely at the photo, I realized he looked just normal.

But there is something glamorous about author photos.  A friend long ago explained that actors don’t look like their photos–how would I know?–and I admit I have never been swept away by a writer’s beauty at a reading.

When it comes right down to it, we care about their writing, not their looks, and let me just say I read a sample of The Great Glass Sea, and it looks like a novel I would actually enjoy.  Some Amazon reviewers say it’s an  alternate history with a Russian influence.

Once my shallow thinking about appearance got rolling, I considered whether looks mattered for any of my favorite dead writers.  Here are the shallow results.

1.  Charlotte Bronte

Charlotte, dear Charlotte!  You were one of the most brilliant writers of the 19th century, but definitely not glam. Jane Eyre and Lucy Snowe are so plain that I assumed you were, too.  You were actually kind of pretty.

2.  Thomas Hardy

Another of the best writers of the 19th century, and, no, I don’t think anybody chose you for your looks.  But who of your rivals wouldn’t  have died to have written The Mayor of Casterbridge and Tess of the D’Urbervilles?

3.  George Gissing

What a glam photo!  I think this is the first time I’ve seen a picture of you, George.  I love The Odd Women and In the Year of Jubilee.  You’re a neglected great writer.

3.  Edith Wharton.

A few years ago Jonathan Franzen wrote that you weren’t pretty.  Indeed, you’re known for brilliance, not looks, though, and that’s best for your reputation, though I think you were pretty.  What novel is better than The House of Mirth?  And Franzen is also a big fan of your work.

4.  Elizabeth von Arnim.

For light reading, your novels are incomparable, and I’m sure you were very charming. You had an affair with H. G. Wells, one of my favorites (though I understand it didn’t do much for you).  Vera is my favorite of your books.

5.  H. G. Wells.

Not that good-looking, but undoubtedly sexy.  Affairs with Amber Reeves, Violet Hunt, Elizabeth von Arnim, and Rebecca West, and those are just the ones I know.   I love your realistic comedies,  especially The History of Mr. Polly.

6.  Ford Madox Ford.

The same kind of sexy look as H. G. Wells, though this isn’t a great photo.   Tietjens, the hero of Parade’s End, is the only fictional character I’ve ever been in love with.  I must reread Parade’s End.

7.  Willa Cather.

Willa, you weren’t pretty, but you were the best Midwestern writer of all time.  I especially love The Professor’s House and Lucy Gayheart.  And you were a good role model for lesbians. You do a superb job writing about women from a male point of view:  A Lost Lady, My Antonia, and more.

8.  D. H. Lawrence.

D. H., where would we be without you?  Especially The Rainbow and Women in Love?  I can’t somehow separate you from your poetry, so I haven’t the faintest idea whether you were good-looking or not.

And that’s it for tonight, folks.  This is the most shallow thing I’ve ever written.