The Zipless

Have you flown recently?

Flying!

Yeah!

I don’t mind flying.

I don’t fear flying.

I love flying.

Get in a plane and FLY.

It’s quicker than driving.

But when I flew recently, it was not at all fast.

zippersLike Isadora Wing in Erica Jong’s Fear of Flying, you are always looking for the zipless…but not her kind of zipless.  You are looking for the zipless flight.

You get to the airport a couple of hours early.

You take off your shoes, put your laptop in a bin, probably a few other things you’ve forgotten, and four ziplock bags of samples of shampoo, toothpaste, etc.   You see someone else throwing ziplocks into the bin so YOU throw your ziplocks in.

Only one of them belongs there, the guard says.  The one with the mouthwash.

Why mouthwash?

So you quickly throw the other ziplocks back in your bag.

You don’t have any gels or hairspray.  You thought that was the problem.

Naturally, they don’t want people doing their hair on the plane.

After you are cleared by security, you wander off to some nonexistent zone because you misread your gate number and huh…it’s just not there.

Finally you find the right gate number.

Then they change the gate number.

Then you all move, and then you sit down, and you can’t find your e-reader  because your new bag is far from zipless…Zip, unzip, zip.  Too many pockets.

Everybody else is pulling phones and laptops out of zipper bags and presumably going online.

Your tablet won’t go online.

The plane is late.

Then the plane is so late that you have to reschedule your connection.

At the next airport everything is well-marked, and you happily get to your gate, but there are no passengers.

You ask the woman behind the counter if you are in the right place.

Yes, barely in time…

You drag your bag onto the plane.

And there is no place to put it.

So finally a place is found far, far from your seat.

And then when you arrive, your phone doesn’t work.

And then you lose your phone.

Yes, it’s in one of the pockets.

You’ll find it days later.

It’s zipless!

3 thoughts on “The Zipless

  1. Pingback: Washington, D.C.: Music, Art, & Money | mirabile dictu

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